My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Randomize
