Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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