Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
