Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
