bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
