At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
