I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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