Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
