He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
