Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize