Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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