Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
