We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
