dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
