I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
