I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize