But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
