I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
