he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
