I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
