Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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