we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
