Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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