i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Randomize
