I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
