this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
