meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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