i'm signing you up for texting rehab
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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