I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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