it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
