People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
