my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
