im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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