Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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