ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I wish you could order shots online.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
