I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
