dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
