I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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