Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
