Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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