I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
