Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
