i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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