Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
