dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
