I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
