Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
