So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
