Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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