so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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