Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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