I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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