I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
