my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
