were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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