Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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