There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
