do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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