so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
BRING THE BAGELS
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
