I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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