No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
