I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Randomize
