Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
