listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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