Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
