Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
