We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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