with your own penis?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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