Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
