I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I am midnight drunk by noon
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
