Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
