The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
